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Client Relationships Without Clients

The best client is one who doesn't exist. Or exists but doesn't call.

Relationship with Client

They say the customer is always right. We say: what customer?

Types of Clients

Ideal Client

  • Pays
  • Doesn’t communicate
  • Needs nothing
  • Doesn’t exist

Typical Client

  • Wants something
  • Calls
  • Writes emails
  • Is annoying

Our Strategy

We carefully select clients. Criteria:

  1. Must pay upfront
  2. Must not expect results
  3. Must not call during working hours (ever)

FAQ from Clients

“When will it be done?” Done is a subjective term.

“Can we meet?” Theoretically yes. Practically no.

“Why didn’t you respond?” We did respond. With this article.

Client Retention

The best retention is when the client forgets they’re a client.

Conclusion

Relationships are about boundaries. Our boundaries are clear: none.